I had a hunch.. and I was right.
Some ******* in the past removed my CEL bulb. 
First off I feel retarded for not thinking of the possibility sooner. Driving around with an unplugged 2ndary O2 and no CEL?
Drove for a bit with a disconnected VSS and no CEL...
I wouldn't put it past a dealer to do this, nor the previous owener of the car, who apparently had a 75 dry shot of sand. Yeah, sand. All over the pistons when the dealer pulled it apart, cylinder walls scored to hell. That was the back in the beginning, new block warrantied. AEM cai was installed at the time. It's a miracle it was warrantied, good thing I had the Memphis dealer to a full look over before I bought the car and give the "Everything's great. You'll love this car"
to me for covering my ***.
So for the first time my CEL is lit up. Hope I didn't damage anything during the last 30k miles without it.
[Modified by sackdz, 2:58 PM 6/29/2002]

First off I feel retarded for not thinking of the possibility sooner. Driving around with an unplugged 2ndary O2 and no CEL?
Drove for a bit with a disconnected VSS and no CEL...
I wouldn't put it past a dealer to do this, nor the previous owener of the car, who apparently had a 75 dry shot of sand. Yeah, sand. All over the pistons when the dealer pulled it apart, cylinder walls scored to hell. That was the back in the beginning, new block warrantied. AEM cai was installed at the time. It's a miracle it was warrantied, good thing I had the Memphis dealer to a full look over before I bought the car and give the "Everything's great. You'll love this car"
to me for covering my ***.So for the first time my CEL is lit up. Hope I didn't damage anything during the last 30k miles without it.

[Modified by sackdz, 2:58 PM 6/29/2002]
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