To elaborate, "Why do we do this when it wrecks our lives sometimes? What is so important about going fast on road courses anyway?"

For me, I do it because I'm unhappy doing anything else, and I have proven that fact. As an infant and a child, I was taken to pro races from Watkins Glen to Sebring by my father, who is a longtime sportscar and roadracing enthusiast. I remember riding in his Porsches and Corvettes as a kid, and loving the sensations of high rev's and lateral g's... So ever since then, the standard has been set in my life. I do it because it's in my blood, and I love it. I eat, sleep, and breathe it. I make my living with it. I dream about it when I'm not doing it. I displaced law school, a better-paying office job, a full night's sleep on most evenings, and many other supposedly important things to modern society, to remain close to it. And I couldn't be happier doing anything else.

But sometimes that obsession rears its ugly head. I just recently became single again after the departure of a wonderful young lady who gave me 1.5 years of love and happiness. She is in the process of moving out of our house now, because of my inability to understand or talk about anything but this. It's only been a week but I miss the hell out of her, almost enough to give all this up... but not quite that much. And I can't fit a racecar on the other side of the bed. So... hence the question. Why do we do this, when it wrecks our lives sometimes?

I will mention the fact that the only time I feel truly at home, truly welcome, and truly happy is when I'm at a road course doing one thing or another. And the only times I feel like I'm at true peace with myself are those rare moments of perfect hot laps on some track somewhere. 20 great minutes at VIR means a month worth of smiles afterward, in my sick little world. Is that so wrong?

Some of you are lucky... you have found significant others who allow you to play this hard, or share it with you as a foundation for mutual enjoyment. Don't ever let go of that, because it's 100 times harder to break in an "outsider" after the fact.

It's something about going fast, and trying to go faster. A technical challenge. A physical challenge. And of course a mental challenge. An incredibly complex and multifaceted hobby, this is. So much so that to do it well, we must be obsessed.

Anyone else? Why do you do this? Not just for fun... if fun was the issue, we would all street-race our cars and go to NASCAR races and think nothing about double-late-apex, downhill right-handers where the correct rear tire pressures are the difference between good fun and spine-tingling zenlike understanding. But no. We have fallen in love with The Road Course. The Place Where People Find Their Limits. The Place Where Lives Get Wrecked Sometimes. The Place Where the Smiles Are Bigger and The Fun is Better. But why, again?

Sorry for the deep topic- misery loves company.

Jon

 

Jon,
You have truly hit the nail on the head. I am sooo familiar with every word of your post! Seriously, I'm saving this one. I've been where you are now, and I assure you it will get better, but your description of our consciousness is the most accurate I have heard yet, and although I have no answer, I feel satisfied knowing that there are others who share my affliction. There are so many who are quick to point out our faults, shortcomings, or preoccupations, and so few who truly understand. Good luck man.

 

Hey man, I am right there with you, over the past month I have called off a wedding to a beautiful, and caring mother of my beautiful 3 year old son. Not a day has gone by since, that i do not regret it. The past few weeks have been very hard, toying with the idea that I need to grow up and sell the car, but then i realize that will not solve "our" problems. I have come to realize that time will heal all wounds, even broken hearts, tell her how you feel, and let her know you want to involve her in "your" life and all ventures, even if it is a road racing event. Up until yesterday I thought I had lost the one person I have ever loved to car racing, and my own stupidity, things are looking up, but if Hannah( my son's mother) and I do decide to "try" to make it work, I know it will be a battle, a battle that I am willing to fight, a battle i feel as though I can NOT lose. Like I said the hardest thing I have ever had to do is sit and wait. I have had many friends to help me get through this, a lot of them on the board. The only advice i can give is fight for what you love, and remm that it takes 2. good luck, you will be in my thoughts

Bryan

 

My story is similar to Jon's. My dad is a 32 year member of the SCCA. We have a picture of me at 6 months old sitting in Paul Newman's Datsun at Bridgehampton. Although my father never raced on track he was a national tech inspector. I grew up at Trans Am and Can Am races as well as countless nationals. I still remember parts of Bridgehampton - which no longer exists. I remember The Glen before the NASSCAR-spec Armco. I remember Limerock back when the entire facility only had 1 shower. This is the stuff I have experienced my entire life - and all I have wanted to do since I was old enough to decide what I like. Finally after 24 years of waiting and anticipating I am on the verge of getting out on track in its full capacity. I am truely thrilled to be doing it!

 

Jon I know exactly what you are going through..... my girlfriend doesn;t completely understand my interest in this now either. I think that has to do with I just started on this endeavor a couple of months ago and dove in head first without looking and I am now truly hooked. It is hard for her to understand how I have changed so fast, so I try to keep a lot of my enthusiasm inside until she realizes the big picture.
it is hard to say why we become so involved in this sport, I know it has turned my life in a different direction. I feel as if I am a part of something now. I have always been a follower in life and it seems now I don't feel that way. The group of people you deal with, or atleast I that I have dealt with, never make me feel inferior or like I am in the way of their progress. I guess I must have a complex but oh well. There seems always to be a helping hand when you need it. It is an even playing field where the more knowledgeable help the less knowledgeable. Where would the competition be if there was only one good driver? I am addicted to this sport not because I get to drive fast and play with cars, that is a bonus, it is because of the genuinely good people you involve yourself with every time you are at the track. My knowledge is so small compared to everyone else that I have met but I am trying my best to learn. But it is alot easier to learn when you can first say out loud that you don't know what you are talking about.
I am going to have many more experiences out there, some good, some bad, but I believe I will be on the track for the rest of my life.

 

The attention I pay to my kar, will most likely keep me single for years to come. I've kinda gotten use to females telling me "Your priorities are not in order" Maybe one day I'll get feedup with being single and park the car??????

 

****! I'm really sorry Jon. Without going into detail, I know you, I know her, I know you two together, and I know what you wanted from it - so I was really upset when I read your message.

It's strange, because my father and I had a conversation about this last night on the way to pick up my car from the shop. He asked if I would rather have a girlfriend/wife who wasn't into cars, so I knew that she would leave my cars alone, or one who was really into cars, and constantly wanted to borrow/drive my cars. For me, the answer had to be the second one.

I'm a racecar driver, it is who I am. No, it isn't my occupation. No, I don't do it every day. However, if I had to describe myself, that is what is most prominent. That is the thing in my life that brings me the most happiness. That is the thing in my life that I am the best at. Life is weird that way. I'm of the opinion that everybody is born with one extreme natural ability. Something that you instinctively can do better than 99% of the population. It's our job in life to find that thing, and do it as best we can, and as much as we can. I think a lot of people on this board share that same instinctive ability. From what I've seen on the track, people like Scott, Karl, Todd, Corey, Cobetto, and obviously you are in that category for sure (yes, I know there are a ton more, I'm just naming a few that immediately came to mind). Anyway, I couldn't have a long-term relationship with a girl who wasn't at least somewhat into cars because I can't help but talk about them, and I don't want to have to feel bad or wrong for doing so. I don't want track weekends to be time away from her, I want them to be time with her. I know I'm not the only one here who has those same thoughts. I mean, look at some of the replies that Diane gets. Only a handfull of us have actually met her, yet I've seen her get marriage proposals on this list. The idea of a girl who is into cars and racing is just so appealing that everybody flocks to her posts. No offense Diane, those who have met you do the same, but that can be attributed to you as a person, not just as a female who loves cars.

Other than Jon and Todd, none of you here really know me personally. When I talk about cars, I'm a different person. All my friends tell me that. I get a big smile on my face, and I start talking faster because that is what lights me up. That is what makes me happy regardless of anything else in the world. I know you are the same way Jon, because I remember talking to you on the phone for the first time back in January 2000. We didn't even know each other, but we must have talked for like 2 hours about our cars and certain racetracks. For those of us like me and Jon, to be put into a situation where we "can't" talk about cars, is taking away the best part of our lives.

Jon, she was awesome, no doubt about it. BUT, as awesome as she is, the right girl for you will love those car conversations. She will make somebody very happy, and you will find somebody else who will do the same for you. Just stay away from Cary the trophy girl - I'm still working on that one!

Take care bro, IM me if you want to talk.

Sorry for rambling.

Matt

 

hmmm... so let me give a different viewpoint here, since I am doing exactly the opposite of what most of you are talking about. As some of you know, my wife is expecting our second child in february. Our daughter is now 2 (wow, time flies) and I have made the decision to take a break from the sport for 1 or 2 years - quite a pisser since I only started HPDEs a year ago.
My reasons are simple. I will not have the money to spend on my car, tires and track fees (diapers are expensive, and I need to start another college fund...) and more importantly I will not have the time to dedicate to this hobby.
Like you, I come from a motorsport background. My dad used to race a Honda S800 in France in the 60s and was a professional high performance driving school instructor for several years. We then moved to Cannes where he started a garage, specializing in semi-exotic cars. My first memories are of playing in that place, sitting in Aston Martins, Jaguars, and other cars that I can't even name. I have always been a total speed and adrenaline junky (if it goes fast, I've probably tried it, with a couple of notable exceptions such as freefall skydiving and skiing).
Yet, as completely hooked as I am to driving on a track I consider my family life to be more important. I will always have time to get back on the track. I am definitely too old to ever be a professional race car driver, so I will forever be an amateur, club racer at best. My kids are growing up, like now, and I can't ever have that back.
So there you have it, my priorities are different from yours. I wish I could have it both ways and bring the family to the track, but the truth of it is that Marion is still too young to be in a paddock, and my wife is not interested in the sport (although she lets me participate and even encourages me to do it.) Maybe that makes me less of an enthusiast than some of you (the word fanatic comes to mind ) but so be it.
While I truly feel alive with my *** on fire and my tires squealing as they struggle to keep traction coming out of turn 9 on the Summit Point track, I feel truly happy when I hold my daughter close. It's just a matter of choice. Please make sure you make the one that you will not regret.




[Modified by SJR, 4:03 PM 10/25/2001]

 

Man, I am really lucky! My wife (11 years), even though she isn't in to cars, let me turn a family car into a race car. I wreaked it. I have just finished building another one using OUR money. Early in our relationship (pre-marriage), she thought that she could change me. Both of us were unhappy. We love each other for who we are. I have friends who have had failed relationships because one thought that they could change the other into how/who they wanted. It doesn't work that way. If you change (hobby, habit, whatever) & you don't want to, you end up subconsiciosly (sp) mad at the other person. You will find the right one. Good Luck.

 

Well, I don't have anywhere near the experience you do (one autox to my name...this will all change soon though ), or even half the "Lady troubles," but I do know what you're talking about. It took my family (mom mostly) a LONG time to figure out why I would wash my car so much, or why I came home one day with 10 feet of thin-wall PVC sticking out the window of my car just for the 2 feet or so I needed for my CAI, or why camping at the track in cold, wet weather is sooo much more fun than the hotel ever could be (Dad gets that one though, he did it when he was young!), or how it can be fun to watch cars drive around cones in a parking lot, or why I have to get up for EVERY F1 race no matter how early on a Sunday it is...etc. My ex STILL lets out a sigh when I get all excited about something to do with racing/my car (although I think she just accepts it now), mostly since I dont' get excited about much else! Luckily for me--and also to my surprise--my mom actually came to my first autox to see what it was all about. After my first run, she saw the huge smile on my face and I think that's all she needed. Maybe they don't get it, but they don't HAVE to get it. They just have to understand that YOU get it, and YOU love it.

Cliffs notes: If she hasn't seen the day-long, ear-to-ear smile on your face when you're racing, then maybe she needs to go to an event and see how much it means to you. If she doesn't understand it then, maybe you need to look for someone who does.

 

My ex-GF tried really hard to share my passion at first - hell, she used to come to the track and work pit/grid, and she loved it. She even made new friends, like speedracer33. But it was "something fun to do on a weekend occasionally" for her. It made her happy because it made me happy, but she simply got tired of that. Too many late nights on the computer, too many times I had to say "I can't afford a new sofa, I need a new clutch first" or whatever. She never tried to change me, but the defining sentence last week was "I need more from a relationship than this - so goodbye".

The kicker was when I offered to put K1's and sticky tires on her Focus, to replace the crappy stock wheels and Firestones, and she didn't want them at all. I mean, who in their right mind would turn down a free set of K1's? Wait... she's not obsessed... to her, K1's are just wheels. Oh well.

For me it's not as much the current ex-gf issue, because I saw it coming, but it's the "what now" factor. There are plenty of fish in the sea, of course, so this is only a temporary setback. But, what can I do now to possibly make this obsession a little more healthy for the next time around? Unfortunately, nothing that I can think of.

Anyway- thanks for the thoughts, everybody. It's nice to know that others have had similar issues... at least I'm not alone.

Jon

 

You're never alone at H-T! Good luck with the next prospect--maybe try to meet someone at the track?

 

Be glad if your ex is NOT into the motorsports thing. It's HELL if you have a nasty breakup, and every time you go to an autocross or track event, you are viciously reminded of the bastard scum.

Uh, sorry, was I venting?

If your interest in motorsports is so deep that it wrecks relationships, that's unhealthy, IMHO. It means that you aren't getting something from the relationship, and you're trying to get it out of your hobby. I've seen plenty of people who are heavy into roadracing or autocross, who are happily married, with children, and I've never met their spouses! Just because the S.O. isn't "in" to the motorsports doesn't mean it can't work, but if you're unwilling to make the sacrifices to spend *some* personal time with the person you consider special, then maybe they aren't special enough. Once again, just MHO.

Karen

 

Without trying to offend Karen, I can understand the first part of this statement, but the last part may not be true. I'm 33 and we just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary and feel I get everything I need from our relationship. The "car thing" (as she calls it) satisfies a completely different hunger for me that's totaly saparate and independant from my marriage.

I'm also feeling the heat from my wife however, and I've been warned from others that have been where Jon is currently. For example; Next weekend there's a drivers-ed class, the same day as a Seattle Sonic game where we have first row seats (legal company perk), right behind the Sonic bench. These seats are really great seats and she wants to go with me. I decided to go to the drivers-ed instead and she can take a girlfriend. Now, I tried to comprimise. I said I could go to the game and not do the school, if she would let me go play with Scott at PIR this Sunday for the Alfa day. She didn't want me going to Portland, so there you go. Now she's upset that I chose the "car thing" over a day with her at the basketbal game.

I'm not a total neanderthal and I do understand her point of view, but I see it sorta like this;
She knows where I am,
I'm not out sitting at some bar getting ****-faced every night,
I only spend "my" extra money on the car stuff,
I don't cheat and I don't beat.

So my question is, where's the line? When is too much car stuff, too much car stuff? Unfortunately, SCCA left out the chapter on relationships when they wrote the rule book. Anyway, enough rambling. I think we all can understand what you're going through Jon. I wish you the best.

 

I believe it is different for every person and relationship. I think you just have to know wher your priorities are and weigh them out against your signifcant others priorities. There has to be a compromise between the two because if he/she does not support what makes you happy even a little bit then maybe it isn't going to work. Follow your heart and you will find true happiness and the right partner.

 

I will forever love cars in a morbid fascination. As of yet, I haven't met anyone intimately who can understand my passion for cars, even if I take them on my favorite twisty country road. Hell, my own parents have no idea that I auto-x my daily-driven Integra, so I can't even share it with them. They think its dangerous and a waste of money, and have gotten angry at me in the past for sharing my experiences.

Instead I share it with the people who are willing to listen, and do not get jealous and/or angry. The people who laugh and long for the same twisty roads I do. My friends have even named my spirited driving "Jonner driving" (a nickname of mine) without even knowing what spirited driving entails. Find the people that let you love what you do, but keep in mind, relationships outside of the sport are necessary at some point in time. It is up to you to decide how much bias either way, for you to live a psychologically healthy life. Love your hobby, but live your life. Find the middle ground between, and keep in mind what you want to get out of an all too short life.

Forgot to mention the most important thing...my last two ex's (one or 1.5 yrs the latter of around 9 months) both hated my obsession with cars. They even "tried" to see my love of cars and racing, and ended up being glad we were no longer together so they didn't have to hear about my car this, or my race that. Hopefully I'll find a girl that can share or at least appreciate my interest without making me feel I am sacrificing something much bigger.


[Modified by mojoGSR92, 12:13 AM 10/26/2001]

 

I'll try to keep mine as short as possible, which won't be very short.
Anyway...

As silly as it sounds, motorsports saved me. 7 years ago I was a terminally depressed workaholic. Work... Eat... Sleep... and occassionally have sex with my wife (don't laugh, that was the whole of my life). I was... uh... not happy.

Then one day a friend called and said "I have a non-refundable entry to the BMWCCA school at Road Atlanta this weekend and I can't go. You want it?"
The rest is history.

I found what made me happy. TRULY HAPPY. That didn't mean that my wife or my dog, or my family didn't make me happy. It just means that I found THAT THING!!!
That stress flushing, smile inducing, "can't wait until I get to do this again" thing that everyone needs in their life.

My ex and I split up a couple of years later for a number of reasons, but one of them was my obsession with road racing. She could never understand or accept it. She looked right past how happy it made me and viewed it only as a colossal waste of money and something that took me away one weekend a month. That, frankly, stills bothers me to this day.

My advice, you have to do what makes you happy. If your mate can't accept that, then he/she isn't the "right" person for you.

I'm one of the lucky ones. Not only is my current girlfriend a very fast national level autocross competitor, she loves the track as well. She can also often be found rotating my tires for me at a school while I'm on track with a student. That, my friends, just plain rules.
And... she loves my dog.

 

Me too!

WELL SAID! While I'm not a father, I can definitely understand/support a choice like that

Man...I could quote all of you guys and say how great each response is but that would just get redundant. H-T rules--you guys are awesome!

 

I"m sure we can all relate to this..... its hard when you're in school as well, and being a senior i'm just itching to get out on the track in a "real" race car and get a license and whatnot, but i cant afford it right now but i graduate in may and i will be in it then.

All my expendible income goes towards cars and events, and i have to make comprimises in other areas but thats ok. I dont regret any of it. Cars and autocross and car clubs have been what i've known for the past 3 or 4 years and i have met so many cool people, made alot of friends, and i really feel like i have accomplished alot. Motorsports has been an increasingly positive experience for me and i cant ever see leaving the sport and the cars for anything. Of course, i'm certainly not ready to be married, but i couldnt see getting seriously involved unless the other person didnt at least understand and accept my goals and passion for cars.

Of any group of people i've ever known (generalization), racers are by far the coolest, most generous group of people i've met. I have on many occasions, and have had people for me, bend over backwards to help out in one way or another, and clubs have been great.

I suppose the point of it is that cars and racing is a real positive thing in our lives that we all share, and nothing can detract from that fact.

-Ryan

 

All excellent views on the subject. If you are truly hooked on racing there is no equivalent help group like AA. And even if there was I would not attend. I got "hooked" 4 years ago as part of my mid-life crisis. Fortunately I had been divorced for a few years before this epiphany occured. I actually start having withdrawal symtoms if I have not been on a track for several weeks. I currently race in the Southeast SCCA national division. Relationships are hard to maintain regardless of the situations. They are even more difficult for people that find a new interest or hobbie that the spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend views as uninteresting or a waste of money. People do change throughout their lifetime. Things that once excited them no longer hold their attention and are replaced with "new and exciting" ventures. Everything you do in life competes for your time, money, and commitment. Choices, choices, choices. At this point in my life I chose to race cars. Can't say how long this will last or if the level of commitment will increase or decrease. I have had several relationships during this time frame, none of them strong enough to elicite a desire to change my lifestyle. Some day I would expect to have to make the age old decision, love vs lifestyle. In the meantime I am following MY dream and MY prorities are can I go any faster, can I tweek the car some more, work on starting strategies, passing strategies, low precentage passes, high percentage passes, tire pressure selection, looking for sponsors, and having a blast doing all of it.

Dave - I need a fix real soooon.

 

There's a lot of reasons.

The biggest thing is plain old enjoyment, and that's on a lot of different levels. We tend to enjoy most the things we either improve rapidly at, or the things that we are very good at. Driving a race car is one of a small set of things in my life that really makes me happy. I also like to think that I'm pretty good at it, which helps me enjoy it. It's a personal challenge too. I know I'm competent, and because of this I don't tend to get frustrated with it - yet at the same time, I want to improve myself as a driver, and test my limits (see the danger thing). Maybe that's what keeps me coming back.

A few times - not many, but a few - I've found myself in what some people call "the zone." In these rare slices of time, I was performing a rather difficult task about as well as I personally know how to do it. Once I pitted in, and even now several months after, I can play back every second of those few laps in my mind. Not only do I want to get back to that place, I want to elevate where that place is. My zone is not quite like Tom Fowler's zone, for example.

Like I mentioned way back in the "Love of Instructing" thread, I was struck early on by the mentality of people who do this as a hobby (not for a living). We're a group of people who work very hard so we can collectively have fun. It's a family of sorts, a bunch of like minded people with the same goals, the same addiction. That's really cool. Maybe that's the biggest reason of all.

 

The way I look at it is:

We, instead of playing basketball, baseball, going fishing, or golfing; race cars. We may do the other things as a hobby, but racing is the passion. Why?Perhaps the human mind is held back by the limits of the human body, and being in a race car extends our limits in a way no other sport can dream of doing. It's where the mind is enpowered to control something with far greater capabilities than it does in everday life.

That's why I race, and I'm sure it applies to many of you also. Keep at it, brothers and sisters!


[Modified by NegativeLift, 3:51 PM 10/26/2001]

 

And never forget the people that you meet and frankly, become VERY close to.
Let's face it, we risk our lives and limbs in our "hobby." That firmly separates it from golf and fishing.
And I feel as a function of that, the group that you hang with becomes exremely close. Kind of an unpublicized brotherhood (sisterhood).

I have a strangely strong bond with guys/gals like Shultz, Adam, Shuggzilla, Di, Zsolt, Towne, et al. Part of it is obviously because of the shared risk.
But the part that is so often overlooked by the outside observer is that I know beyond any doubt that if I take a solo trip from Atlanta to VIR and mess myself up in a wreck (and it can easily happen), these folks will MAKE SURE I am taken care of and my equipment is taken care of. No doubt about it.
You can't even begin to put a value on something like this, it's priceless.

None of us ever talk about this ****. We don't have to. It's just "there."

 

Well said. Consider yourself fortunate to have that.


[Modified by johng, 4:39 PM 10/26/2001]

 

The great people really are the biggest part of this. Especially as an event organizer, because it makes me SO proud to see all the smiling faces. Cobetto calls this a "brotherhood of speed" or a "cathedral of speed" - and rightly so. We all put a very deep part of our beings on the line when we are out there going for that perfect lap (or that perfect autoX run). Much like the greek system in college, or survivors of a particularly rough plane or train ride. I know I can get along famously with everyone here, and that makes me feel... complete, in a way.

Well said, all... thanks again. This topic has made me feel a lot better.

Time for beers,

Jon