Two jokes I came across today - sources unknown:


A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began he pickup up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks - rocks about 2 inches in diameter.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. So the professor then pickup up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the rocks.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

Then the professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked again if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous yes.

The professor then produced two cans of Beer from under the table and poured their entire contents into the jar - effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, health, children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your wife out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and asked what the Beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers."


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Buffalo Theory:

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. And here's how it went:

"Well ya see Norm, it's like this...A herd of Buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest Buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it's the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general health and speed of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brains cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine...That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."


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Scott, who doesn't drink and no longer cares...(that's supposed to mean something).

 

 

Thanks for the laugh scott.

 

Justification for my drinking.

Not like I needed one....or three.