Racing down the parkway I found myself face to face with a Nissan 300z. Before I knew it we were side by side , my heart pumping, and had adrenaline flowing threw my blood vessels like a 100 shot of nitrous in a k series engine. I quickly found 4th gear as 2 out of the 3 beeps rang out like fire works on fourth of July. Rolling at 65mph I had to make sure that there were no hesitation, and no mistakes with the gas pedal and my shifts, for this would be a race determined on precision and accuracy. BEEP! Before I knew it the sound of the 2007 civic si K-series engine popping into vtec overwhelmed my thoughts, like katrina in the the gulf of mexico. Flash, flash, flash I quickly power shifted into 5th as my car approached 90 mph and 8,200 rpm! whaaaaaaaaaaa was all I heard as the k-series screamed for revs, driving itself past 120mph! Whaaaaaaaaa! Like thunder on a summer afternoon. 6k! 7k! What will it take to finish this race! CHERP! Was the answer from the tires as I bullied it into 6th and floated off into vtec heaven. With the 300z having no answers it slowly back away, like a student not wanting to get called on. With victory in the air I flustered for my hazards, it was over , and I had won.
I hope you all enjoy! I want feed back for I am hoping to one day write for a car magazine.
J. Murray

 

cool kill story ... but you should keep it safe and race in the track

 

i would start thinking of a different career path

 

Dont quit your day job.

https://honda-tech.com/zeroforum/11

 

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by mrmrry243 &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">I want feed back for I am hoping to one day write for a car magazine.
J. Murray</TD></TR></TABLE>

First tip...

Paragraphs... look them up.

 

Im sorry but Honda tech didnt allow me to indent and I wasnt looking for feed back on the grammer , considering in a english major out of NYU, thanks for the support.

 

Also I bought my Si in cash because I was paid for material I wrote about global warming

 

Honestly, my dad's a publisher, and as an English major, you'd have a good career in Hallmark greeting cards, and that's about it.

There's not much to do with an English major besides copy editing, card writing, and teaching, and there was a metaphor once every 2 sentences in your story. Cheesy ones, good for cards, bad for stories.

 

GEEEZ that was harsh! I thought that it was good. Honestly, the way you described it made me visualize the race

 

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by mrmrry243 &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">Im sorry but Honda tech didnt allow me to indent and I wasnt looking for feed back on the grammer , considering in a english major out of NYU, thanks for the support. </TD></TR></TABLE>

Grammar.


Grammatically speaking the story is pretty good but as accordselux mentioned there are entirely too many metaphors.

 

thank you

 

<TABLE WIDTH="90%" CELLSPACING=0 CELLPADDING=0 ALIGN=CENTER><TR><TD>Quote, originally posted by xanatos &raquo;</TD></TR><TR><TD CLASS="quote">GEEEZ that was harsh! I thought that it was good. Honestly, the way you described it made me visualize the race </TD></TR></TABLE>

I'm not trying to be harsh. My dad wrote poetry through high school, realized that he'd be poor all his life, and went to college as an english major anyway and basically stopped writing poetry. Got a job at a publishing company. Started as a paper boy, then copy edited, then an editor, and now a VP. I've talked with him before about things like this and I know exactly what to expect in a writing career. Most writers have many jobs to support themselves while they write and it's a very difficult skill to make a career with. Most people end up copy editing or working for Hallmark, and that's unappealing to many people.

I'm not being harsh, I know how difficult it is to do something with a degree in English.

I'm not saying you can't improve or anything, I wish you good luck and I hope you can take some classes to help expand your style.


Modified by accordselux at 9:47 PM 1/7/2007

 

not bad. if u have ambition to be a writer for a car magazine, then that is ur decision. it's a tough world, and getting a job for one of those companies won't be any easier. so good luck and keep workin on it.

i was wondering if anyone was going to point out the mispelled word. but didnt wanna flame and get in trouble again

 

Nice kill but isn't power shifting horrible for your tranny ?

 

....i was right there beside you...

 

good kill

 

My dad could beat up your dad...

Let's be honest here. No one cares if you bought your car with cash or what your major was -- your story was awful and its astonishing that an English major doesn't know more about block format when he can't indent.

/harsh

 

Does the car really chirp in 6th gear... i can't even get my 4th gear to chirp

 

I was getting ready to flame you about the part where your chirped into 6th gear, but then I realized it was a fictional story.

 

lol. Chirp in 6th gear is total B.S. Wanna know what else is b.s.? Shifting to 5th at 90mph. These cars easily reach 100mph in 4th gear. Your story's wack!

 

I used to own a 1990 300zx NA. They are about even when it comes to speed. The 3500 pound + weight on that car really slows it down. The only real speed on Z's come from the TT, but that should be obvious. However, they are fun cars to drive

 

sigh

 

y cant we all just get along! he told a story dont gotta put him down about it. if ya'll cant say sumtin nice den back off.but den again he did brag a little bit but just let him have his moment of glory it will pass!btw the chirp i six gear dats bogus iv done 4th after i got the reflash! sorry about my grammer problems. wasen't da best english student just thought hell we're american why da hell we got 2 go english class 4 i've spoken it my whole life!lol!

 

I don't doubt the fact that he is capable of beating a base 300z, but some of the details didn't quite add up right. As I mentioned above. And that's reason to question the story as a whole.

 

/\ /\ Yeah, but, no one said it was a non-fiction story.... this guy must feel like an economy sized bag of douche right now..... no need to make it worse.