The starter cut relay on Honda Accord LX's of the 90's vintage or thereabouts are usually up under the dash above where the right leg would sit while driving. They are held in by one 10mm hex bolt, hence the whole relay can be taken down if you work your arm up there with a small ratchet loaded with the 10mm socket.

But sometimes you might want to just get the harness off or you might have the relay down AND want to take the harness off.

Here's how:
1) Notice that there is a (usually brown) connector with a white protective housing over it. The only thing that matters for this discussion is the brown part.

Simply squeeze the brown lock tab and pull hard. The brown lock tab locks inside the opposite side of the connection (which is the male side). The side you pull on usually has the creamy white protector which comes off WITH the brown female that you pull on. So you will be holding a brown connector with a little creamy white plastic shroud in your hand when you get it unhooked.

The point of this post is that it's easy as long as you can get in position - just squeeze the springload as I state above and pull with a good 5 lbs or more of force. They are held on both by the contacts and by the fact that they fit well. But pushing the springload releases it.

I realize it's hard to get to the starter-cut relay - I will try to post a pic of it in my 1997 Honda Accord LX wagon - I believe I posted a pic in another post of mine.

If all else fails, watch the video I made below - in the video, note that my thumb is just pushing
down a little a bit past the center of the springload, maybe 6 oz. of force give or take.

Enjoy.

 

I've never heard of a Honda starter cut relay ever going bad before.