is the starter grounded when it sits on the tranny and is that what makes a circuit and then makes it spin

 

Yes, starter gets ground from being bolted to the tranny.
The lug/bolt connection is your battery +.
And the spade connector is the low amperage connection to the ignition switch.
If you are bench testing it, you put a jumper cable '-' clipped to the case of the starter, the '+' to the lug and something like a 14 gauge to the battery '+' that you can intermittantly tap the spade connection with.

 

its been tested and its fine i was trying to figure out how to make it spin all i could get it to do is pop straight out, bolting it up right now

 

If you got it to pop out then it should spin.
Sounds like you have a bad starter.

 

its been tested and fine, im getting a humming from my main relay and i replaced it now its still humming