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Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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Old 05-18-2017, 07:20 PM   #1
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Default Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

So I've been enjoying my new spot and like all people socializing and learning the culture of the office is part of being new. I know corp culture and how this company works so it wasn't too big an ordeal.

But then like any office, that guy... like any smart group we know to keep any touchy subjects brief and light. Our that guy is one of those people who makes up rumors and passes them off as something he read on a news site he won't name... so it's pretty clear his head canon is fact to him.

Today had one that was just so far out of insane that the entire office was done with his ****. We all literally laughed at him and I openly mocked him to the bosses laughter because it's been that tense and cartoony. Normally I'm a bit more professional, and I think most of us act a touch silly here vs our real persona's (that line thins for me daily for better for worse).

So I thought this would be a great place to share those stories of "that guy" at the office, just a place to list clear BS or gaffs, not drama or outright dishonest behavior.

So we are all talking about weekend plans (gonna double date with my best friend his wife to see Alien Covenant and kart, and drink since you asked/care) he goes "You know Monday Trump won't be president after this last stunt!" Great way to open a convo by the way, someone else asks, what's the final nail in the coffin? From his source, "Trump is pardoning Dylan Roof because he thinks he's a hero". We all literally couldn't not laugh, just break out laughing at him.

After regaining my composure, said "I don't blame him David Duke literally used binaual beats to brain wash the kid he's the victim, like how ISIS does" The dude just sulked his head knowing pretty much, the new guy was first to crack under his literal fake news system he built himself.

Now what gets me someone with a personality like this is a ******* amazing b2b sales person. He works with clients and produces... just how is he so bat **** with co workers? How are his children well adjusted? Scratch that, how did he manage to get married, let alone reproduce....and be good at it?

I'm wondering how he's going to behave tomorrow after we all kinda had a chuckle at his expense.

But yea, feel free to share any crazy events with the that guy at work.
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:29 PM   #2
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At my old workingplace we used to have this super religious guy that probably legit believed that god controlled everything we did somehow. He would tell us all the answers in life are in the bible. One guy jokingly asked if the bible had an explanation for making better films by PVD coating. Then he got annoyed and claimed we were misunderstanding.

Pretty much every respone we had for him related to that subject matter was "that's nice"
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:31 PM   #3
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

There's an autismo at work who was faring loudly in the locker room. I looked over thinking he would be laughing or something like it was a joke. Nope. He was just standing in front of his locker farting.
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:37 PM   #4
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

Back in 2008 when Obama won the election, a business associate told me Obama was going to cancel Nascar.

Amazing.
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Old 05-18-2017, 07:40 PM   #5
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You work with Ross?

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Old 05-18-2017, 07:44 PM   #6
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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You work with Ross?

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Old 05-18-2017, 07:53 PM   #7
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Doeeeeeeee sup my mydougie MONICA
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Old 05-19-2017, 05:13 AM   #8
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

We had a programmer that was a habitual one-upper. Someone would start talking about almost any topic or subject and he would just sit by and wait to throw down why his experience was worse, or better, etc. To the point where it would kill the conversation.

He got shipped off to the other facility, and I am currently at his desk and doing his job now. He stopped by a couple days ago and I think he realized he's been replaced. The other programmers like me, he's never getting his position back
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:07 PM   #9
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I'm not reading that whole thing. Is this because I sent 100 dick pics at once?
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:24 PM   #10
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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There's an autismo at work who was faring loudly in the locker room. I looked over thinking he would be laughing or something like it was a joke. Nope. He was just standing in front of his locker farting.
I'm ******* DYING at this! Omg

Anyway...We had this old dude at our office. Like 65. And he was like the mini-Trump:

1. Told me that Roger Clemens boning a 15-year-old was no big deal because "back in caveman times, 15 was ready to go" in front of 3-4 female employees. He got both of us in trouble for that one.

2. Got disciplined for stealing a bunch of food from the cafe--twice

3. Got fired for referring to an employee who'd criticized him as "that ******* n*gger bitch"
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Old 05-19-2017, 12:25 PM   #11
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There's an autismo at work who was faring loudly in the locker room. I looked over thinking he would be laughing or something like it was a joke. Nope. He was just standing in front of his locker farting.
You looked over and saw a mirror

/boomroasted
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:34 PM   #12
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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I'm ******* DYING at this! Omg

Anyway...We had this old dude at our office. Like 65. And he was like the mini-Trump:

1. Told me that Roger Clemens boning a 15-year-old was no big deal because "back in caveman times, 15 was ready to go" in front of 3-4 female employees. He got both of us in trouble for that one.

2. Got disciplined for stealing a bunch of food from the cafe--twice

3. Got fired for referring to an employee who'd criticized him as "that ******* n*gger bitch"
that's awesome!
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Old 05-19-2017, 01:46 PM   #13
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

So you're saying a salesman likes to bullshit? I've never encountered that before
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Old 05-19-2017, 09:09 PM   #14
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

I remember signing that petition to stop obama from canceling nascar
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Old 05-22-2017, 03:09 AM   #15
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

My coworker is one of those "guys" that will spend more than what he makes. Last year, he bought a new RV trailer and '17 Nissan Titan XD. He has used the trailer maybe like twice but drivers his truck to work every day. Complains about the shitty MPG it gets but is too stupid to get a beater car as a DD. I know it's none of my business what he buys or do with his money but the idiot will come to work and show off to people, expecting some kind of gratification. This **** gets pretty old. I guess when you have no life, you go out and buy stupid **** just to boast and brag.
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Old 05-22-2017, 05:30 AM   #16
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

^^^Guys out at the refinery do that. Which is hilarious because its a structured pay system. Everybody knows what you make based on your tech level lol. So you showing up with a **** ton of new things just means you maybe worked a few more hours of OT, or you are in debt up to your eye ***** haha.
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Old 05-22-2017, 07:45 AM   #17
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I try hard not to communicate to coworkers other than work-related subjects, like HARD

In corporate america, you slowly realize that human beings are terrible
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Old 05-22-2017, 08:06 AM   #18
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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Originally Posted by njn63 View Post
You work with Ross?

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You looked over and saw a mirror

/boomroasted

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Old 05-22-2017, 08:18 AM   #19
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

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There's an autismo at work who was faring loudly in the locker room. I looked over thinking he would be laughing or something like it was a joke. Nope. He was just standing in front of his locker farting.

I found footage from you looking at him in the locker room boomroasted

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Old 05-22-2017, 08:28 AM   #20
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^^^Guys out at the refinery do that. Which is hilarious because its a structured pay system. Everybody knows what you make based on your tech level lol. So you showing up with a **** ton of new things just means you maybe worked a few more hours of OT, or you are in debt up to your eye ***** haha.
I make more than him, have less bills but I don't go out and buy everything that's on sale. The guy is definitely an idiot. He "has" to ask his wife for permission to go out for lunch. ****** dumbass I swear. LOL
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Old 05-22-2017, 08:55 AM   #21
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I found footage from you looking at him in the locker room boomroasted

:dedb:
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Old 05-22-2017, 12:22 PM   #22
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

My manager is a flat Earther
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Old 05-22-2017, 12:23 PM   #23
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My manager is a flat Earther
bruhhhhh. One of mine is a Creationist
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Old 05-22-2017, 12:35 PM   #24
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Default Re: Water Cooler banter and "that guy"

Lol, at my last job I brought that up in the middle of the day, I was reading an article or something. I blurt out "Wow, did you know that 45% of the United States thinks the earth is less than 10,000 years old?"

My coworker goes "Yeah, I'm one of those people.

I was just like
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Old 05-22-2017, 12:39 PM   #25
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Lol, at my last job I brought that up in the middle of the day, I was reading an article or something. I blurt out "Wow, did you know that 45% of the United States thinks the earth is less than 10,000 years old?"

My coworker goes "Yeah, I'm one of those people.

I was just like
46.1% of American voters voted for Trump.

TIL 1.1% of Americans who voted in the 2016 Presidential Election think that the Earth is older than 10k years old & Trump was an acceptable choice.
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