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Violence: Who Taught You?

 
Old 07-08-2015, 04:32 AM
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Default Violence: Who Taught You?

Morning folks.

Was hanging out with the neighbor last night, and during the evening he "whipped" his 7 year old son in front of me. The son had got into a fight at vacation bible school. It made me real uncomfortable watching him use more violence to punish his son for fighting.

It got me thinking about learning violence. I too was whipped and even beaten on a regular basis, and I started to act violence towards others as young as 5 yrs old when I cut a kids face up with a mech warrior toy because he wouldn't stop throwing sand in my face. I too got into a lot of fights during school while growing up, but my mother never punished me as long as I did not throw the first blow. I believe she realized that punishing me for fighting would be a tad bit hypocritical.

I don't have any kids of my own, but even if I did, I could never imagine hitting them with the exception of a quick pop on the *** if they were to run out into traffic our something. However, I'm pretty sure that all the violence I suffered at the hands of my mom and my step father(s) made me as comfortable with violence as I am today.

I didn't bring the subject up with my neighbor because he is a combat veteran and a cop so I'm guessing he's got plenty of problems of his own, and doesn't need a man with no kids chiming in. However, I can't help but think that he is just recreating himself when he hits his child.

Those of you who are familiar with me know that I've had many violent altercations during my adult life. It's been approximately one year since I last hurt someone, and even then I felt ashamed of myself regardless of the fact that the beating was warranted. As I age I believe I am finding more compassion and more shame. I cringe whenever I see a child being hit. It makes me angry.

So what do you think? Does hitting, whipping, etc make children into violent adults?

"Circumstances made me who I am; do you think I was just born a violent man?" - Buju Banton

Edit: Removed "spanking" for clarification.

Last edited by rockcity; 07-08-2015 at 04:56 AM.
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:50 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

No, I was spanked as a child and have never acted violent towards another person.

Fighting outside of self defense is for Neanderthals. No offense. I don't think I have ever felt threatened in my life.
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:55 AM
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Originally Posted by ForceFed Motorsports View Post
No, I was spanked as a child and have never acted violent towards another person.

Fighting outside of self defense is for Neanderthals. No offense. I don't think I have ever felt threatened in my life.
I should have been more clear as I'm not thinking about spanking with an open palm or a quick swat on the leg. I mean real hitting and beating. Hearing the belt pop from two houses away type hitting. And doing it so frequently that when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat. This happens a lot and a lot of individuals do not consider it abuse. In my house, that was just the way a child was supposed to be raised, and it makes me sad and frustrated to see it still going on today. In my own damn neighborhood.
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Old 07-08-2015, 04:57 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

It has from time to time pleased God to lay his hand upon me so that my life hung by a thread. I am not afraid of much.
:-(
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:00 AM
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Originally Posted by George Knighton View Post
:-(
That's a good way to explain my life. Having no fear is a lot of fun, but it's hell on relationships.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
That's a good way to explain my life. Having no fear is a lot of fun, but it's hell on relationships.
Tell me about it. :-(
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:03 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
I should have been more clear as I'm not thinking about spanking with an open palm or a quick swat on the leg. I mean real hitting and beating. Hearing the belt pop from two houses away type hitting. And doing it so frequently that when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat. This happens a lot and a lot of individuals do not consider it abuse. In my house, that was just the way a child was supposed to be raised, and it makes me sad and frustrated to see it still going on today. In my own damn neighborhood.
Oh, well then no again, because my POS grandpa beat the crap out of my two uncles and they are two of the nicest people you will ever meet. They try and show the opposite of the anger that their dad showed them. I find that excuse to be a crutch for the weak that can't maintain self control. Again, the need to fight to me shows a persons insecurities. I could care less how people viewed me if I walked away from a fight, whereas many feel it's a challenge of their manhood. Well aware of what dangles between my legs, no need to flex them over non life threatening altercations
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:05 AM
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Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
I should have been more clear as I'm not thinking about spanking with an open palm or a quick swat on the leg. I mean real hitting and beating. Hearing the belt pop from two houses away type hitting. And doing it so frequently that when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat. This happens a lot and a lot of individuals do not consider it abuse. In my house, that was just the way a child was supposed to be raised, and it makes me sad and frustrated to see it still going on today. In my own damn neighborhood.
Might not make him violent, but you can be sure he'll suffer a host of other issues.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:06 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
So what do you think? Does hitting, whipping, etc make children into violent adults?
I think the parents who do that don't have the IQ to figure out how to use words to change behaviour. Not trying to be funny, 100% serious. The type of people who beat kids probably have very limited vocabularies, are emotional, and more than likely demonstrate bad tempers and everything negative in their every day existence. The kids don't fight because they were whipped, the kids fight because their parents are dumb retards.
The same parents who beat, probably use 4 letter words daily, break things out of frustration, mouth off to authority, etc, etc.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:07 AM
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Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
... when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat.
You said that you didn't know whether it was abuse or not, but what you have described is a psychological symptom of abuse.

If that is how the child is acting, then it is abuse.

It is one of the greatest shames in the eyes of God that a subject does not understand why he is being hurt, and that the hurt is evidently a way of living.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:14 AM
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Originally Posted by ForceFed Motorsports View Post
Oh, well then no again, because my POS grandpa beat the crap out of my two uncles and they are two of the nicest people you will ever meet. They try and show the opposite of the anger that their dad showed them. I find that excuse to be a crutch for the weak that can't maintain self control. Again, the need to fight to me shows a persons insecurities. I could care less how people viewed me if I walked away from a fight, whereas many feel it's a challenge of their manhood. Well aware of what dangles between my legs, no need to flex them over non life threatening altercations
Sounds like you've got some good uncles. It is very possible to make right choices regardless of upbringing. It's also very possible that your uncles had some other kind of positive influence that helped them become good men despite the beatings. Unfortunately, some folks don't have any of those positive influences. Had it not been for my godfather, an aunt and an older neighbor I had as a kid, I would probably be in prison or dead. I was fortunate enough to have those positive influences to show me good regardless of how bad I had it at home. Knowing how my mind is and how I think, I can't imagine what goes on in the mind of an individual who had absolutely no positive influences in their life. I can't call folks weak when they've walked a very different road than I in that regard.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:15 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by lllll View Post
I think the parents who do that don't have the IQ to figure out how to use words to change behaviour. Not trying to be funny, 100% serious. The type of people who beat kids probably have very limited vocabularies, are emotional, and more than likely demonstrate bad tempers and everything negative in their every day existence. The kids don't fight because they were whipped, the kids fight because their parents are dumb retards.
The same parents who beat, probably use 4 letter words daily, break things out of frustration, mouth off to authority, etc, etc.
I agree 100%.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:18 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by George Knighton View Post
You said that you didn't know whether it was abuse or not, but what you have described is a psychological symptom of abuse.

If that is how the child is acting, then it is abuse.

It is one of the greatest shames in the eyes of God that a subject does not understand why he is being hurt, and that the hurt is evidently a way of living.
You and I know it is abuse, but others don't. It's just raising a child to them.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:19 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Pretty much every study on the subject demonstrates that it causes behavior problems, aggression, and psych issues. The "studies" that contradict this are almost always done or touted by Christians and Christian groups who also have *shock* books about parenting and spanking.

Spanking triggers vicious cycle, study finds - CBS News

The case against spanking

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...arms-the-brain
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:19 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by lllll View Post
I think the parents who do that don't have the IQ to figure out how to use words to change behaviour. Not trying to be funny, 100% serious. The type of people who beat kids probably have very limited vocabularies, are emotional, and more than likely demonstrate bad tempers and everything negative in their every day existence. The kids don't fight because they were whipped, the kids fight because their parents are dumb retards.
The same parents who beat, probably use 4 letter words daily, break things out of frustration, mouth off to authority, etc, etc.
Good point. I can count the times I got a spanking from my dad on 2 fingers. All he had to do was lower his voice a get a stern look on his face and I knew I was ******' up.

Moms on the other hand, she'd go ham on me. She had no choice though, she's a little Asian woman and English was her second language lol
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:20 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
Morning folks.

he "whipped" his 7 year old son in front of me. The son had got into a fight
ahh yes. Hitting your kid because he hit someone else. Brilliant!
Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
I should have been more clear as I'm not thinking about spanking with an open palm or a quick swat on the leg. I mean real hitting and beating. Hearing the belt pop from two houses away type hitting. And doing it so frequently that when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat.
If that's happening, call the cops. Jesus Christ.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:21 AM
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You lost me at "bible school" sorry bro.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:22 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Violence is not a learned behavior; but the use of it might be. I was disciplined as a kid, and I love my parents for it. But it was discipline, not beatings.

Violence is innate, it's fight or flight, the most basic animal behavior.

The use of violence as discipline (wrong as it may be) is also not a learned behavior. It is a chemical imbalance, emotional instability, etc... however you want to view it. It MAY be hereditary, but having experienced it does not mean you will resort to it; and vice versa.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:26 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Originally Posted by George Knighton View Post
You said that you didn't know whether it was abuse or not, but what you have described is a psychological symptom of abuse.

If that is how the child is acting, then it is abuse.

It is one of the greatest shames in the eyes of God that a subject does not understand why he is being hurt, and that the hurt is evidently a way of living.
Yea at first I thought the OP was referring to getting spanked. My 2 kids have got spanked and they're both really sweet kids. I don't condone fighting but my daughter has ran into a couple of issues with bullies, which I've explained to her how to handle it but that in a worse case type of deal, it's her job to stand up for herself and hit somebody right back if need be. I've been giving the spanking thought here recently as my son does seem to get them pretty often lol. BUT it's spanking. slap on the hands or the butt or something to just get him to understand its getting serious. I couldn't imagine whipping my kids asses though. Albeit they're still small, I think once they're teenagers it might be different although I feel as they get older it seems easier to punish them by taking things or grounding them seems to have a better effect.


I got my *** kicked all the time by my parents growing up and I was never really violent til we moved to a big city and I we lived in a very poor area that made me HAVE to fight and be tough in a "survival" type of way.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by Wahski View Post
Good point. I can count the times I got a spanking from my dad on 2 fingers. All he had to do was lower his voice a get a stern look on his face and I knew I was ******' up.

Moms on the other hand, she'd go ham on me. She had no choice though, she's a little Asian woman and English was her second language lol
Aside from the asian comment, this will be my kids in the future talking about their *** kickings lol
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:29 AM
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Default Re: Violence: Who Taught You?

Here's a map of states that allow corporal punishment in schools btw:


See also the south as ME thread.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:29 AM
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Originally Posted by crawdad689 View Post
If that's happening, call the cops. Jesus Christ.
I'd have to call the cops every time I went to Wal-Mart or Tractor Supply. Plus my neighbor is a cop although for a neighboring town. Thus far I have been held in high esteem by the officers here. I don't wish to change that. And, as my mother said, when I said I was going to call the cops after one of her beatings: "Boy, I am the cops." If I called the police, it would only create world of hurt for that little boy.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:37 AM
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Originally Posted by ForceFed Motorsports View Post
Again, the need to fight to me shows a persons insecurities. I could care less how people viewed me if I walked away from a fight, whereas many feel it's a challenge of their manhood. Well aware of what dangles between my legs, no need to flex them over non life threatening altercations

lol Stay away from the Deandre Johnson thread then.
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:40 AM
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Originally Posted by rockcity View Post
Hearing the belt pop from two houses away type hitting. And doing it so frequently that when you approach your child, he winces because he doesn't know if he's gonna get hugged or get beat.
This is when skip the cops and call CPS on the neighbor. If that fails, give the kid a gun and say, "you know what to do the next time he comes at you."
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Old 07-08-2015, 05:40 AM
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more proof that cops are not your friends. even when they're your dad.
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