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Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

 
Old 05-19-2019, 06:26 AM
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Default Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Not married. Been with my significant other about 13 years now. Have a 7 year old. What is the point of getting married in today's age?
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Old 05-19-2019, 06:44 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Married 25 years; we went through a rough patch starting at about year 15; separated at year 18, maintained contact and reconciled during year 19, moved back in together at year 20, and now we're doing better than pretty much any time since we met.
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Old 05-19-2019, 07:36 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by shipo View Post
Married 25 years; we went through a rough patch starting at about year 15; separated at year 18, maintained contact and reconciled during year 19, moved back in together at year 20, and now we're doing better than pretty much any time since we met.
What happened to allow the reconciliation?
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Old 05-19-2019, 08:09 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Moving on 7 right now and it’s a little rocky, working on it.
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Old 05-19-2019, 02:09 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Like my grandpa used to say..."marriage is like a piece of cheese" ill let you figure out what that means.
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Old 05-19-2019, 02:12 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

P sure he means somebody is baking bread and it smells like sourdough
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Old 05-19-2019, 02:20 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by funk.regulator View Post
What happened to allow the reconciliation?
A combination of a lot of things; the two most important were an improving financial situation for both of us and dispelling some of her long held beliefs of our history together, beliefs I was unaware of until she finally started justifying why she'd filed for divorce. When I heard the litany of reasons for why she'd filed, reasons she'd related to her family, friends, and lawyer, the most damning turned out to be mostly untrue (kind of like a small nub on the wall with a six-foot diameter sombrero hanging off said nub). Fortunately I'd kept logs (for professional reasons) through the time in question, and when I showed them to her and we discussed our very different recollections of the time, it only took about ten days of wrapping her mind around the new history before she changed her mind and asked if I was willing to consider getting back together.

Fortunately for both of us, there had never been any infidelity, before or after the separation, so that wasn't a hurdle we needed to get over.
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Old 05-19-2019, 02:29 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

its good if it matures enough. If its immature, its not ready for marriage. going on 15 years now together but never married , we feel like getting married can open up a can of worms.
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Old 05-19-2019, 02:35 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Arcitekt View Post
Like my grandpa used to say..."marriage is like a piece of cheese" ill let you figure out what that means.
What kind of cheese?

Swiss is full of holes
Blue is full of mold
American is fake processed muck

I don't even want to start thinking about all the Cheddar's, but did he mean a Gouda kinda bland yet soft & nice on a cream cracker?
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Old 05-19-2019, 06:27 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

How can your marriage be in trouble if you're not married?
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Old 05-19-2019, 06:34 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Ross View Post
How can your marriage be in trouble if you're not married?
LOL was going to post the same.

Anyway, have been married for 8 years this year, together for 12. Had a very rough patch at year 4, decided to work things out and have been in a great place ever since. Marriage takes work but it's worth the investment.
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Old 05-19-2019, 06:54 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Ross View Post
How can your marriage be in trouble if you're not married?
🤣😂 ping bang pow!!!!!!
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Old 05-19-2019, 09:47 PM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by funk.regulator View Post
Not married. Been with my significant other about 13 years now. Have a 7 year old. What is the point of getting married in today's age?
Marriage is a legal business arrangement. With that said all we can really do is choose the best person that will exercise the best decision making that aligns with our goals & lifestyles. Choose wisely!






Originally Posted by shipo View Post
Married 25 years; we went through a rough patch starting at about year 15; separated at year 18, maintained contact and reconciled during year 19, moved back in together at year 20, and now we're doing better than pretty much any time since we met.
Originally Posted by shipo View Post
A combination of a lot of things; the two most important were an improving financial situation for both of us and dispelling some of her long held beliefs of our history together, beliefs I was unaware of until she finally started justifying why she'd filed for divorce. When I heard the litany of reasons for why she'd filed, reasons she'd related to her family, friends, and lawyer, the most damning turned out to be mostly untrue (kind of like a small nub on the wall with a six-foot diameter sombrero hanging off said nub). Fortunately I'd kept logs (for professional reasons) through the time in question, and when I showed them to her and we discussed our very different recollections of the time, it only took about ten days of wrapping her mind around the new history before she changed her mind and asked if I was willing to consider getting back together.

Fortunately for both of us, there had never been any infidelity, before or after the separation, so that wasn't a hurdle we needed to get over.
Just curious, how old are you guys?
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Old 05-20-2019, 01:13 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by FrostyDC4 View Post
Just curious, how old are you guys?
We're in our early to mid-sixties; both very active runners and both still able to run a half-marathon in well under two hours.

Like someone I recently met said, "Sixty is the new forty."
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Old 05-20-2019, 03:53 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

been married to my current wife for almost 13yrs, we have a 11yr old daughter. Marriage, just like any relationship involves many things....communication, respect, trust, space, etc.

My cousin was married to his wife for well over 18yrs and they have 5 kids, youngest around 9 or 10 I believe. Four months ago, she finally left his ***. When you don't care to do better in life and only think about yourself, the other person will eventually get tired of the bullshit and move on without you. Even to this day, the guy is still the same. "It's all her fault why their marriage fell apart and their kids are depressed". Yeah, people like him are ******' delusional.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:17 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Not married but celebrated 18 years together yesterday and we also have a son together that will be turning 17 next month. Never really had any serious issues that caused us to split up and like most have had arguments over the years.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:20 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Together since '97 married since '03 at about year 7 we had a rocky patch.

The biggest mistake I see married couples making is putting ANYTHING before their marriage. Not kids, not work, nothing, marriage first. Unless you're Christian, then you should be putting God first.

re|engage Marriage Enrichment Program
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:31 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Game night shouldn't even by a priority mang...headshots don't get you laid.
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Old 05-20-2019, 06:43 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Knightsport View Post
The biggest mistake I see married couples making is putting ANYTHING before their marriage. Not kids, not work, nothing, marriage first. Unless you're Christian, then you should be putting God first.
Sorry, I disagree with this. Coffee should come before marriage. If I don't have my coffee in the morning, I simply can't be held responsible for how I treat my wife
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:19 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

About to hit 19 years of marriage. No regrats. Been together over 25 years...

Last edited by vtecvoodoo; 05-20-2019 at 09:39 AM.
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Old 05-20-2019, 09:23 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Knightsport View Post
Together since '97 married since '03 at about year 7 we had a rocky patch.

The biggest mistake I see married couples making is putting ANYTHING before their marriage. Not kids, not work, nothing, marriage first. Unless you're Christian, then you should be putting God first.

re|engage Marriage Enrichment Program
So what do you do when your spouse puts all of that in front of your marriage because “that’s how it was when I grew up”

Asking for a friend :sigh:
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:04 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Married for 16 years and had been together for about 20 years. Got divorced about 3 years ago.

Was a 7 year age difference as I was 17 and she was 25 when we met and I got married only because she had our son. I was determined to make the relationship work no matter what as my dad wasn't present for my brother and I. Red flag #1 and there were a few more in the relationship as I would not have had a relationship with her if it weren't for that and being 17, I was thinking with the wrong head. We worked great together, just that I started realizing that I liked my life without her and that it was irresponsible of both of us to get married for the wrong reason. We could have stayed together, but I found losing the emotional weight I'd been carrying liberating.

With that said, couples counseling and individual counseling before you get married is a great idea. It would have never crossed my mind that the sole reason behind my marriage was bc of the failed relationship with my dad.
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:07 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

I married catholic, and before you can get married in the church you have to take several classes and have some tough discussions..about money, sex life, kids, jobs while married etc..its one thing I think the catholic church actually gets right.
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:09 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Tokyosmash! View Post
So what do you do when your spouse puts all of that in front of your marriage because “that’s how it was when I grew up”

Asking for a friend :sigh:
When your kids are grown up and leave, when you get fired or retire from your job, and when your religion fails you, you look to the only person in your corner, you spouse. If you neglect them over all of the aforementioned things, then you could find yourself alone. If that explanation doesn't work, then a marriage counselor is in order. I've since learned that seeking counseling isn't a bad thing. Having someone to ask the right questions can be a game changer in your relationship.
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Old 05-20-2019, 10:11 AM
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Default Re: Marriage in trouble; trying to work things out?

Originally Posted by Rguy View Post
I married catholic, and before you can get married in the church you have to take several classes and have some tough discussions..about money, sex life, kids, jobs while married etc..its one thing I think the catholic church actually gets right.
We skipped all that - not that I would have minded. My dad and BIL were both pastors so they were like, "ah, you're good"
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