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Old 06-10-2013, 07:01 AM   #1
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Default Sleeping with girls and farting

I've been doing alot of squats and misc leg workouts for the past year. Unintentionally, I made my *** really firm, hence my a**hole got really tight, hence my farts sounds like firing a shotgun. I get really gassy at nights and my farts would always wake up the sleeping girl next to me...and its really embarrassing.

So I always had to hold my farts and then I couldn't sleep, cause my stomach would hurt/bloated and it just feels really uncomfortable holding it in.

I don't know why I didn't figure out this earlier because its sooo simple. All I have to do is spread my cheeks open and then fart... now it sounds like a quiet psshhhhh sound. Now I never wake up the girl and I get to release all the gasses I need. Totally changed my life

That is all
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:03 AM   #2
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yeah... Need more fiber in your diet?
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:15 AM   #3
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

If you don't kick the dame out after the smash session, you're doing it wrong.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:17 AM   #4
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me and the ex were always trying to dutch oven each other. it was all fun and games until someone's feelings got hurt.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:41 AM   #5
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Farting on the lady is fun along with her farting on me.

Inforewwyourgirlfartsonyou.

Grow a pair already.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:43 AM   #6
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You need more PIIYB. Loosen things up a bit.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:46 AM   #7
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You are welcome.
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Old 06-10-2013, 07:49 AM   #8
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

The 2nd or 3rd night my ex stayed over, i let one rip so loud it woke me up like a bucket of cold water tossed on me. There i was, motionless, hoping it only woke me up. Not a single part of my body moved (except for my shifty eyes) til i fell back asleep.

The next moring i asked her how she slept and she said "good, i only woke up once"
I asked "was it when i farted?" and she sighed, "yes"

Needless to say i was single months later, but felt comfortable having blowouts around her
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Old 06-10-2013, 08:05 AM   #9
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

Quote:
Originally Posted by WestDC5 View Post
I've been doing alot of squats and misc leg workouts for the past year. Unintentionally, I made my *** really firm, hence my a**hole got really tight, hence my farts sounds like firing a shotgun. I get really gassy at nights and my farts would always wake up the sleeping girl next to me...and its really embarrassing.

So I always had to hold my farts and then I couldn't sleep, cause my stomach would hurt/bloated and it just feels really uncomfortable holding it in.

I don't know why I didn't figure out this earlier because its sooo simple. All I have to do is spread my cheeks open and then fart... now it sounds like a quiet psshhhhh sound. Now I never wake up the girl and I get to release all the gasses I need. Totally changed my life

That is all
Damn OP i was one giggle away from spewing my coffee onto my screen haha. I really lauged out loud. Bravo, would read again

I always let them rip in front of the mrs and vice versa...quiet entertaining sometimes lol
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:12 AM   #10
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You are welcome.
:dead:
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:25 AM   #11
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

in a grocery isle next to her or in public while holding her hands. good times.
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:29 AM   #12
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Man I was bombing the grocery store last night. At one point I was like damn I got to get out of here.
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:31 AM   #13
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in a grocery isle next to her or in public while holding her hands. good times.
Or when she's tonguing my butthole. amirite

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Old 06-10-2013, 09:41 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WestDC5 View Post
I've been doing alot of squats and misc leg workouts for the past year. Unintentionally, I made my *** really firm, hence my a**hole got really tight, hence my farts sounds like firing a shotgun. I get really gassy at nights and my farts would always wake up the sleeping girl next to me...and its really embarrassing.

So I always had to hold my farts and then I couldn't sleep, cause my stomach would hurt/bloated and it just feels really uncomfortable holding it in.

I don't know why I didn't figure out this earlier because its sooo simple. All I have to do is spread my cheeks open and then fart... now it sounds like a quiet psshhhhh sound. Now I never wake up the girl and I get to release all the gasses I need. Totally changed my life

That is all
Could probably stick a straw in your butt in a pinch.
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:41 AM   #15
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You are welcome.
:deadestb:
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Old 06-10-2013, 09:57 AM   #16
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Or when she's tonguing my butthole. amirite

i dont know dat feel.
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Old 06-10-2013, 10:09 AM   #17
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

Sleeping with girls? mustbenice.jpg
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Old 06-10-2013, 10:24 AM   #18
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

Quote:
Originally Posted by WestDC5 View Post
I've been doing alot of squats and misc leg workouts for the past year. Unintentionally, I made my *** really firm, hence my a**hole got really tight, hence my farts sounds like firing a shotgun. I get really gassy at nights and my farts would always wake up the sleeping girl next to me...and its really embarrassing.

So I always had to hold my farts and then I couldn't sleep, cause my stomach would hurt/bloated and it just feels really uncomfortable holding it in.

I don't know why I didn't figure out this earlier because its sooo simple. All I have to do is spread my cheeks open and then fart... now it sounds like a quiet psshhhhh sound. Now I never wake up the girl and I get to release all the gasses I need. Totally changed my life

That is all

Try PM'ing kiwibird83, he has a solution to your problem.
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Old 06-10-2013, 10:32 AM   #19
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

that open cheek fart sounds like a apexi blow off valve...badass
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:22 PM   #20
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

funniest thread of the year!

this has happened to me, i held it in, walked to the bathroom, farted, got back in bed, farted some more

just blame it on her when she wakes up

WTF WOMAN, THAT'S DISGUSTING
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:40 PM   #21
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

Just yell "Who wants a Dutch Oven!!!" and pull the covers over her head.

Problem Solved
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:43 PM   #22
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

Lots of fart speak today. I just read this on a FB status update from yesterday:

"So I thought I'd be funny last night when I got in bed and farted. Julie ended up ripping an even bigger fart then turned her back to me and went to sleep".


The next couple of posts came from the dude's wife and they were all the same "OMG DELETE THAT RIGHT NOW".
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:54 PM   #23
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Default Re: Sleeping with girls and farting

So you're telling me that if GF does moar squats it tightens her balloon knot for me?

Kiwi, do you know about all this?
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Old 06-10-2013, 05:04 PM   #24
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Old 06-10-2013, 05:07 PM   #25
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ALL DAY ERR DAY. No ***** given.
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